What I thought was normal in school I used to get laughed at for doing. Stupid jokes and crazy acts I'd make to get the other's attention were mocked by my classmates. Now that I'm older, I don't have that mocking reply whenever I behave like a lunatic, and I'm always feeling like an empty shell. Why do I put so much effort into my show?
My ability to feel is greatly diminishing as I get older. I'm a balloon of feelings whizzing out randomly into the air. I wish I could focus my thoughts and feel the love of my friends and girlfriends, but I'm always out of focus. I'm not stupid, but I'm lazy. I'm a disgusting person.
The clown act I'm perfecting is a replacement for the emotional life I don't share with my peers.